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Interviewer: It's a situation that no parent ever wants to deal with, but their teen has run away. Once you have located your teen and got them back home, what do you do next? How can you make sure to resolve whatever is going on and why they ran away in the first place?

To help us understand the situation and what steps to take next, we're joined by Amanda McNabb. She is the quality improvement and training manager at the Community Crisis Intervention and Support Services with Huntsman Mental Health Institute.

Amanda, it is a situation that really I think most parents fear sometimes. And when it happens, what do you tell parents, and what is the first step that they should do when they get their kid back?

Amanda: Usually, when a parent is dealing with a situation in which a teenager has run away, one of the things that we really suggest is having another support system with them. So maybe having a mediator, a family friend, somebody who can come in and help keep the emotions that are going on at a minimum so that the conversation can happen about why.

A lot of families will then just say, "Don't do it again. This isn't good. Now you're going to be in trouble." And they don't really focus on what was the reason behind the idea of running away for that teenager.

Interviewer: What are some of the common reasons that they would run away? I mean, I know that every family is different, but with all the amount of people that you interact with, there have got to be some common threads.

Amanda: Absolutely. And those common threads can run from just a teenager who doesn't like the rules in the house and wants to have some extra freedom or things like that. It may be that they're dealing with a lot of pressures and feel like between school and home and friends and everything else that's going on, they just can't handle it and need to get out of the situation.

There may be some concerns about gender identity or feeling accepted for who they are. And that may be another reason that a teenager might leave the home or leave the situation.

The teenager also could be dealing with mental health, depression, anxiety, maybe thoughts about suicide. And the idea of running away is the first step towards "What do I do with my mental health itself?"

Interviewer: So Step 1, get a mediator, get someone in between, calm down some of the, I'm sure, very high-intensity emotions that are happening in that situation. What are some strategies and next steps that we can share with parents who are trying to help identify what is going on with their teen or with their home situation and where can they go next?

Amanda: I think in the beginning, as you said, being able to calm down and really bring those emotions back down to where everybody can actually communicate with one another.

When we're in a high emotional situation, we're not often listening to the other person. We're not having a true conversation. We're always thinking about, "How am I going to respond?" Or with teenagers, it's, "Okay, how am I going to hold this person to consequences for their actions and their behavior?" And instead, we really want to focus more on, "Okay, what is going on in this situation? How can I try to see their perspective?"

With teenagers, and really adults, we each have our own perspective on the situation, which doesn't always match up with somebody else. So we want to focus in on really being able to use those reflective listening skills and those active listening skills to communicate and say, "Tell me more about what's been going on," so that we can come to a positive conclusion and hopefully make things better.

Sometimes with that piece, we really will say to families and parents, "Call the crisis line." We are here not just for suicide or major mental health concerns. We are here for crisis.

And when a family has a teenager who's run away, I define that as a crisis. That is something that is creating a lot of discord and emotional upheaval for a family. And so we're here to try to walk you through those next steps or be able to intervene and say, "Maybe we need to do a mental health assessment on the individuals involved to make sure that everybody is in a safe place to have those conversations."

Interviewer: So with a service like the crisis line with the Huntsman Mental Health Institute, for some people, this might be the first time they are reaching out to a service like this. What can they expect when they call that phone number?

Amanda: When they call, usually, you will get ahold of one of our certified crisis workers who will then just ask, "How can I help you today? What is going on that made you call in?"

And once we've started to define what's happening, what's the situation, what is the actual need in the moment, and sometimes that need is just, "I need to vent. I need to talk about what's going on," or it could be, "I have questions about what resources are available to me," then we can start to collaborate together with the caller and say, "Okay, here's what may be available. Here's what may be an option."

And it doesn't always have to be the parent. It can also be the teenager. The teenager is always welcome to give us a call or use our SafeUT app or anything like that to reach out to one of our crisis workers and say, "I'm struggling with what's going on. I need help." And hopefully, they get a warm reception and are able to feel comfortable talking about some of those issues that maybe they haven't been able to bring up with other people before.

Interviewer: Now, who is the crisis line for and does it cost anything?

Amanda: The crisis line is for anybody and everybody. It is free to the consumer. We are here 24/7. Same with our SafeUT app, which is just a texting way of getting hold of the crisis workers. And it really is for parents, teenagers, anybody who's seeking that extra help.

Interviewer: So for a parent who is dealing with a runaway and it's time to figure out what's going on and heal together, what is the number to get in contact with the crisis line?

Amanda: Parents can reach us at 1-800-273-TALK, or the national number at 988.

Interviewer: Just 988?

Amanda: That's all it is.

A baby that is wanted and planned for, a child by choice and not by chance, that is what modern contraception offers men and women. But you have to know what's out there, how it works, and where to get it. This is really important now more than ever.

This is Dr. Kirtly Jones from Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Utah Health, and this is the "7 Domains of Women's Health" on The Scope.

Women and men all over the world have wanted to plan their families for thousands and thousands of years, but methods used in Cleopatra's time in ancient Egypt probably weren't as effective as what is available now. If no method of contraception is used, women in sexual relationships that would make them pregnant could expect to have more than 11 babies. That's in these days of good obstetrical and pediatric care, where women are less likely to die in childbirth and babies are much less likely to die in the first five years of life. Eleven babies sound like too much? One more baby sounds like too much right now?

Let's talk about contraception. It's an egg and a sperm problem. You need to stop egg production, stop sperm production, or stop the sperm from getting to the eggs. These are the main ways that modern contraception works.

About 50% of unplanned pregnancies happen to people who are "using" contraception but using it incorrectly. This is the most common reason that methods like abstinence or periodic abstinence, think natural family planning, or methods like barrier methods like condoms or diaphragms actually fail. They weren't used correctly or at all. Methods that you have to think about at the time of sex are more likely to fail because you're more likely to fail to use them. If you combine two methods, abstain during your fertile period and use condoms all the rest of the time, your chance of getting pregnant by accident is much lower. Two methods are better than one, and this is a combo where men can be the important user. You can get condoms most anywhere, and anyone with some smarts and gumption can figure out their fertile period.

So let's talk about hormonal pills, patches, and rings. They are considered moderately effective methods or ones that have an annual failure rate between 1 in 10 to 1 in 100. That means if women use them, the chance of getting pregnant is about 1 in 10 to 1 in 100 per year. Of course, you might be at risk for pregnancy for multiple years, so these chances literally add up. Considering a lifetime of contraception using these methods, it was calculated that women would have about two unplanned pregnancies. These methods work by blocking ovulation and by changing cervical mucus so sperm cannot get to the eggs, but women don't always take the pills, or patches or rings correctly. They miss some days or they stop for a week as directed, but they stop for longer than seven days, and they are very likely to ovulate. But you could team up with your sex partner and use a moderately effective method and condoms and get much more bang for your buck birth control-wise.

Hormonal methods aren't right for everyone, and you should know by reading up or asking knowledgeable clinicians if they're right for you. Now, there may be immense hormonal contraception on the horizon, transdermal hormones to block sperm production. If it has about a 10% failure rate per year, and women taking the pill as they will, not perfectly, have a failure rate of about 10% per year, if both members of the sexually active couple use the method not perfectly, the failure rate would be about 1 in 100 per year. The two methods multiply in terms of their effectiveness. If they both used effectively, if they both, men and women used hormonal methods effectively, it would be about 1 in 10,000 women per year, and that is effective contraception.

Now for highly effective methods, these methods have failure rates of about 1 per 1,000 women per year. They are so good because you don't have to think about them and using them correctly almost always happens. These include copper IUDs, hormonal IUDs, and hormonal implants under the skin. The hormonal implants' primary method of action is to work by blocking ovulation. The IUDs' primary method of action is by blocking sperm. Copper in the copper IUD kills sperm on their way up to the egg, and the hormonal IUD blocks sperm from getting through the cervix. The IUDs and implants are highly successful at preventing pregnancy but require a trained clinician to put them in. They last a long time, the copper IUD for 12 years, the hormonal IUD for 5, and the implant for 3, but they are immediately reversible as soon as they come out.

Now, all contraceptive methods have some side effects and risks, but none have as many risks and side effects as an unwanted pregnancy. Uh-oh, did you just say, "Oops?" Did you forget to take your pills? Did the condom slip off or stay in his back pocket? Was sex forced on you and you weren't using anything? Emergency contraception is for people who had unprotected or under-protected sex. They are pills over the counter or by prescription, that must be used in the first three to five days after the unprotected sex act, and the earlier, meaning the next day or the day after, the better. The copper IUD and hormonal IUD can also be used for emergency contraception, but they aren't FDA approved for that use, and you have to find a clinician to place one in a timely manner.

Using contraception means some work on your part. You have to know what you can use and want to use. You need to know where you can get them. You need to know how you can pay for them. All this information is available from many sources, but an overall good resource is bedsider.org. Many clinics around the country provide contraception on a sliding fee scale based on the ability to pay. Most insurance plans pay for a significant amount of the cost of contraception. There's a national family planning grant called Title X, that provides low-cost contraception to anyone who needs it, and it's available in most states. But you have to lace up your boots or put on your flip-flops and do it. Children deserve to be by choice and not by chance now more than ever. Thanks for joining us on The Scope.

Interviewer: What should you do if you suspect your child is doing drugs? It's a scary moment for any parent. I mean, how do you know for sure? What's the best strategy for talking to them about it? How much can you do on your own and when should you see a professional?

I'm going to answer those questions with our expert today, Dr. Mary Steinmann. She's a psychiatrist who specializes in child and adolescent psychiatry.

Dr. Steinmann, let's start at the beginning here. We're going to cover a lot of ground today. But what is the first thing a parent should consider if they have a reason to believe that their child may be using some sort of a substance?

Dr. Steinmann: So I think there's definitely a difference between experimenting with substances and actually developing a substance use disorder. And so it can actually be fairly normative or expected behavior in children and adolescents to be curious about or experiment with substances. But we also know that using substances can really place individuals at risk of developing later substance use disorders. So it's something that we want to take very seriously and be able to help parents identify signs in their own children that may warrant additional questioning or additional evaluation or perhaps even getting additional help and support and resources.

Interviewer: Yeah. So if experimentation can be normal . . . I would imagine as a parent, as soon as I saw my kids or had the idea my kids were using drugs at all, I would be like, "Oh, they've got a problem." But you're saying that that's not always the case?

Dr. Steinmann: That's right. It's definitely concerning behavior. It's not something that parents need to be complacent with. I think it's important to actually dissuade substance use and to talk to kids about the dangers of substance use and the potential consequences of substance use, because there are a lot of them.

Kids don't tend to think about long-term risks very much. Their brains aren't hardwired to think about long-term consequences until, honestly, sometimes their 20s. And so that's where I think it's helpful for parents to kind of take a role of, "These are the rules in our house. This is what our views are. These are what our values are. Here's what's acceptable and unacceptable behavior for our house. But I am also here and open to answer questions or listen to what you have to say. Or if you find yourself in trouble, intentionally or unintentionally, I am here for you."

Interviewer: So I'm a little confused. If you suspect that your child is using a substance and maybe . . . I don't know. Do parents generally have a good idea if it's early on? When you said, "Don't be complacent," do you just kind of sit back until you start seeing a problem develop, or do you jump right in as soon as there's some sort of substance use and say, "I understand this is just a natural thing. If you ever want to talk about it, we should"? I mean, I don't quite understand that differentiation.

Dr. Steinmann: I think a lot of the differentiation depends on families, right? So there are some families where even alcohol use or smoking is not a practice in the home, and so there might be a different baseline for a family addressing substance use and experimentation and how they approach that topic in their children, versus maybe a family where there is recreational alcohol use, or occasional nicotine use, or what have you. And so there are some baseline cultural differences that I think go into play.

We certainly want to educate our kids up front about what the dangers are, and say, even if you're comfortable as a parent, "This is kind of my own experience with using substances," talking about responsible use, if that is a value in your home. And in other homes, that might not be acceptable at all.

But kind of laying down, "This is what our family values here, our baseline. I understand you may be tempted to experiment with things. Here are my concerns about that."

And then also knowing your child and knowing their baseline and being able to identify if they're starting to behave differently, if they're starting to hang out with a different peer group, knowing what their peer group is and who their friends are. Having those consistent expectations is really important, but then also providing that guidance, that education, "This is what we value in our family."

That may be no substance use whatsoever. That may be, "This is the concern I have about you using substances right now as an adolescent." And that's the stance I tend to take as a child and adolescent psychiatrist. It's, "I'm concerned about the effect that any substance has on your developing brain. I understand you might be tempted to use. I discourage that, but I am also here if you have questions," and not to shut down that conversation prematurely.

If curiosity develops, if they're like, "Well, I see you drink all the time. Why can't I?" being prepared to kind of have those discussions so that then that increases your chances of having your child actually be honest with you if and when they start down that path, and being available to support and guide and eventually seek help, if needed.

Interviewer: So it sounds like if you suspect your child is using substances, and maybe they're just at the point where they're just kind of experimenting, that's a great invitation to have a conversation at that point?

Dr. Steinmann: Exactly. And even before use. I think sometimes we overestimate the age at which kids may actually be exposed to substances in schools, but we may be having these conversations too late sometimes and setting those expectations too late sometimes.

And so being aware that a lot of times, by middle school, kids are already exposed to peer groups or other folks who use, and maybe thinking about this for themselves. We may be wanting to even have those conversations earlier, depending on the environments in which our kids socialize.

Interviewer: And it sounds like a parent's kind of mindset is super important for this first conversation from the standpoint that I think . . . Well, first of all, what are some of the reactions that you see parents have when they find out their kids are using drugs? I can imagine there could be some anger that is probably born out of fear, because drugs can be detrimental to somebody's life. There's probably the thought that only bad kids do drugs. Are there some other reactions you see? Or what do you see?

Dr. Steinmann: Fear is a big one. And I love what you just said as far as anger often being born out of fear. Anger is a very reactive emotion. We all get angry over a lot of things. But if we dig deep, a lot of times it does come from that fear, either because we're terrified of . . . We just want the best for our child. We want them to grow up to be the best version of themselves that they can be, and there are serious consequences to problematic and ongoing substance use. There can be dangers to even intermittent substance use. And so fear is a very, very common and normal response to parents.

Also, that anger component of fear or fear that gets manifested as anger tends to be the emotion that then puts our kids on the defensive and shuts them down.

And so even though it's a completely valid emotion and an understandable one as a knee-jerk response on the parents' end, it may be the one that we want to kind of work on our own response to continue to invite that conversation instead of making the child feel that they're a bad kid because they thought of going to a party with their friends or even tried to ask a question or to get clarification for themselves or to seek help. Very often it's that fear of anger and punishment that keeps kids from seeking help.

Other common responses I get are often, "Only bad kids do that." And I think probably what parents often mean by that is the behavior is certainly concerning and undesirable, but that doesn't mean our child is a bad kid. There's a difference between the behavior and who someone is as a person, and sometimes kids can overly internalize that.

And so, if a parent's response is, "Well, only bad kids do that," or, "My kid possibly can't do that," that's a form of denial that probably needs to be addressed, especially if you're starting to see telltale signs of substance use or behavior changes. And we can talk about that in a little bit.

Or it can be, "Well, why are you judging my friends? They're not bad people. I know who they are. You don't," which can also raise defensiveness and unwillingness on the part of the child to engage more in that conversation.

Interviewer: Let's say a parent has suspected that their child is using a substance. They've had the conversation, they followed your advice, but then they start noticing, like you mentioned, some personality changes or they start becoming more concerned that it is escalating to a different level. Is that the point that you would get your child help, or is there another intervention that a parent would do first?

Dr. Steinmann: I think there are a couple different routes to go. So we have that conversation. Maybe we were lucky enough to have that conversation upfront before use even started, and the conversation had exactly the effect that we intended to have, which is to deter use. That's kind of the best possible scenario. "Hey, let's talk about the dangers of this." The kid acknowledges, "Yep, that's not a behavior that is good for me," and we move on.

Maybe experimentation happened, and then I think it's important to have the conversation potentially of, "What was that like for you?"

Understand what drives a behavior. We don't tend, as human beings, to engage in behaviors that don't work for us, especially in the short term in teenagers.

And so some may admit, "Hey, I've been really stressed out and I tried alcohol," for example, "and it helped me to feel better." Wow. As a parent, I would want to know, "Well, what's been stressing you out? Is there something else that's healthier that we can kind of engage in? Because, once again, I have my concerns about kind of going this route to address stress and manage stress. Are there different things that we can work together on to help you out with?" and seeing if we can get to the underlying driver of that behavior.

If the behavior continues despite, "Hey, we have a house rule we don't smoke, we don't engage in underage drinking, we don't engage in any forms of substance use" . . . which again is my stance, really, as a physician, because I'm concerned about that brain development . . . and the use continues, then we might need to consider additional types of interventions and understanding what's underlying that continued substance use.

I'm also going to be keeping a close eye on function. Function is really, in psychiatry and in medicine and mental health, what we look for to really start to make that distinction of, "What's the difference between substance use and a substance use disorder?"

And when we say the word "disorder," what we really mean is there is some impairment in academic functioning, in relationships, and that could be friends, family, etc. Are we engaging in additional risk-taking behaviors? Are we putting ourselves in safety risk by result of use? Are there legal consequences? Are we carrying vape to school, for example? All of those things would be red flags for more serious problematic use and possible disorder that might warrant additional treatment.

Interviewer: When a child is using a substance, is there generally some other underlying cause? Is it really truly just kind of a symptom of something else going on? I mean, either experimentation out of curiosity or an underlying condition, or are there other reasons?

Dr. Steinmann: It can be all of the above, honestly. What can start as experimentation can then kind of just spiral out into use for other reasons.

Some people may never engage in use but may find themselves starting with symptoms of anxiety or depression and then are just trying to find a way out of feeling that way. And they may have tried other things or talking to friends or things like that, or hear that, "Well, taking this has helped for me. Maybe it would help you too." And so it can sometimes be a chicken-and-the-egg type of scenario, honestly.

Interviewer: All right. Sounds like we have two steps so far. A parent suspects their child is using a substance, they have a conversation because it's just experimentation. Then that behavior continues, they have another conversation again asking this time, "Is there something else going on?" or, "Why are you using it?" or, "How does it make you feel?" reiterating the rules or the policies in the household. What would be the third step if it continues on past that point?

Dr. Steinmann: I would say then it's probably time to get some external support and some help. And honestly, it's never too early to get external help and support. Again, if this is just a conversation that, for any reason, a parent might struggle to have with their child or not know how to approach it, it is perfectly fine to seek out professional help to help learn how to have that conversation.

And there are a lot of other internet resources that are available if you don't have the ability to talk to somebody.

But I would seriously then consider looking at other resources, including a therapist or a primary care physician.

Not all cases of substance use disorder have to go directly to a psychiatrist, just like not all cases of depression and anxiety need to go to a psychiatrist. Sometimes talking with external supports, such as your child's pediatrician or primary care provider, someone that has an established relationship with them and knows them, can be a good middle-ground next step to get additional support before jumping into subspecialty options, although those are definitely certainly available.

Interviewer: Is there a negative message given to a child when you say . . . because there's a certain weight to saying, "All right. We've got to go to the psychiatrist now." You know what I'm saying? For this problem. That comes with a whole bunch of other stigmas.

Dr. Steinmann: It can. And unfortunately, getting mental health care and having mental illness needs is still really stigmatized in our society. I think that's why I generally recommend starting out with primary care if someone is having questions.

Now, granted, there are times where you would want to bypass primary care. For example, if your child has been absolutely refusing to go to school or you're noticing that they're skipping school a lot or they're getting suspended or even expelled for issues related to substance use, or you're concerned that there's an imminent safety risk, such as heavy use or heavy binge use or physical consequences from that, or you suspect a really severe underlying driver for substance use, including depression or anxiety, perhaps even things like suicidal thoughts, or if you suspect another serious mental illness, those would be things that would be quite appropriate to go up to a higher, more specialized level of care.

It can take a while to access the mental health system as well, and you don't want to get stuck in the lurch while your child is really struggling, especially if their imminent safety is on the line.

Interviewer: When you talk about substances, drug use, what does that entail for you as a physician and a psychiatrist?

Dr. Steinmann: That's a great question. I think a lot of times, when we talk about substance use, our minds automatically go to the hard stuff like heroin or cocaine or methamphetamine. We also think about alcohol and nicotine and marijuana, which are a little more readily available.

But there are also, especially with teenagers . . . Think about access and what you're more likely to be able to get a hold of or afford. Or what are the underlying concerns that might be problematic in teenagers, such as anxiety or depression?

This is another great example of a misperception, actually. Sometimes we think, "Well, my child is very high functioning and they do great in school. They can't possibly have issues with substance use." But I work with a lot of teenagers and young adults who may have some mild ADHD or anxiety who are very high performers and may feel compelled to be even higher performing. And so they may actually get wrapped up in overuse or misuse of cognitive enhancers, like caffeine or prescription stimulant medication.

And so having an idea of kind of the breadth of things that can be misused or abused is important.

It's scary and it can be overwhelming to think about, but it's important to, again, think about those underlying drivers of behavior and the type of direction that might lead even into substances we might not typically think about as being abusable.

Interviewer: And some of these ways of talking to the children about substance abuse might be kind of against a particular parent's parenting philosophy. We are all raised in our own ways by our own parents, and a lot of times, that's the way we raise our children. Is this evidence-backed stuff? Should somebody just go ahead and use their instincts instead going into this conversation? What are your thoughts on that?

Dr. Steinmann: I think that parents are the experts on their children, and so using your instinct can be a very powerful tool.

If you are noticing that your child is not acting like themselves, I do think it's important to ask more questions and probe. And again, by asking, you're kind of almost opening the door to, "I'm interested, I'm curious about you. I care about you."

Sometimes the hardest thing we can do, as parents, is to open the door to conversations that we might not be comfortable having, but by doing that, we're actually modeling for our kids that it's okay to talk about these things, that maybe their assumption that we're going to blow our stack or over-assume might be unfounded, that we want to be and try to be safe people to talk to because we have their well-being at hand.

I liken it in some ways to talking about suicide, for example, and suicide prevention. There's significant data that shows that simply asking about suicide does not increase the risk of suicidal behavior. And I think the same is very true for substance use.

Just because you're asking doesn't mean that you are giving permission or suggesting that they should engage in that behavior. All asking does is signaling your child that, "Hey, I'm aware that this is a problem and I want to be a person that you can rely on and trust to talk to about it."

Interviewer: For a parent listening to this interview that wants to go on to get some more information, what are some good reliable sources that they could go to online to get some help framing this or figuring out the approach or whether or not they should be concerned at this point? What do you recommend?

Dr. Steinmann: For reputable sources on the internet . . . because you're right, there are a lot out there and it can be really overwhelming to kind of weed through and find the best sort of reputable information. I really like the Substance Use Resource Center through the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration, or SAMHSA, also has a lot of good resources.

And something that I found fairly recently as a resource, that I thought was very parent-friendly type of language, is through the Child Mind Institute. And they have various questions about how to talk to your teen about substance use for parents who may not be sure on how to start that conversation.

Boys in puberty. Most people think of teen boys eating them out of house and home, needing new clothes because they outgrow them every two weeks, and interesting smells. Well, there's more than that, and I'll help you navigate puberty in boys on today's Scope.

I've got a teenager at my house and one who is about to be a teenager. I can definitely say that all of those things that I just mentioned are absolutely true. But what exactly is going on in their bodies? There's going to be a lot of changes that they may come to you as parents to ask questions about. Puberty in boys can start as early as 9 but really hits between 11 and 14 and lasts for 3 to 4 years. Boys can continue to grow until they are 18 or even 20.

The first thing your boy will notice is that his private area will be changing. His testicles will get bigger, his penis will grow, and he will get pubic hair. Then comes hair under the arms and on his body, and that's usually when the body odor starts too. And you'll need to make sure to get your son some deodorant and you'll probably also need to stress the importance of hygiene.

Voice changes are next. Often boys get pretty embarrassed about how their voice cracks as it gets deeper. At our house, we pretty much just laugh about it because my boys know it's normal and it's happening to all their friends as well.

Their bodies will also start to bulk up, and their muscles will be getting bigger and stronger thanks to testosterone. Testosterone is also what triggers some mood changes in boys, especially the anger issues. So be prepared.

This is also when romances start to blossom so be sure you have the talk with your boys about your family's view on sex, birth control, and protection against sexually transmitted diseases.

Something else that testosterone causes is acne. Acne is not caused by not washing your face or by what you eat but by changing hormones. There is a lot of treatments for acne, including many that are over the counter.

Like I said, boys can continue to grow until they are 18 years old. They will usually have a growth spurt of about four to six inches towards the end of puberty. That's also when more body and facial hair shows up and boys need to learn about shaving beards and mustaches.

What about some of the more uncomfortable things that you may need to talk to your teen boy about? Well, boys start getting erections more, and sometimes they happen at embarrassing times like in the hall at school. They also start having nocturnal emissions, otherwise known as wet dreams. This is when they have erections and ejaculations during their sleep. It's normal. They have no control over it, and it can happen up to a few times per week.

Remember, puberty happens to all of us who make it to adulthood. While things change from each generation to generation, some things are constant, like the changes that happen to a boy's body as they go from being a little kid to being a man. It's a tricky time for kids, and if you or your child have any questions about what's going on in their bodies, be sure to ask your child's pediatrician for help.

Interviewer: You've noticed some signs that your child is engaging in self-harm which can be scary and confusing as a parent. So what do you do?

Dr. Thomas Conover is a psychiatrist board-certified in both child and adolescent psychiatry and general pediatrics at Huntsman Mental Health Institute.

Find out how to identify if your child is engaging in self-harm, how you should respond, and resources for help and treatment. What is Self-harm?

Dr. Conover: Self-harm is any deliberate attempt or act to injure oneself. So the term is pretty straightforward, but self-harm includes, from a psychiatrist's standpoint, both non-suicidal self-injury, which is any self-harm that's inflicted without any intent to die and also suicide attempts. Suicide attempts are a form of self-harm, and the difference between the two as we define them is whether the person who's inflicting injury on themselves means to die by doing it.

Interviewer: When I hear self-harm, I tend to think of cutting. Is that the only type of self-harm, or are there other types?

Dr. Conover: Making cuts and scratches on oneself is the most common type of self-harm. We sometimes see teens do other forms such as burning themselves deliberately or hitting themselves, striking themselves with a fist, or headbanging. Those are other forms that are fairly frequently seen. There are numerous other less common acts, but cutting or scratching on oneself is definitely the one that we see most frequently in emergency rooms or psychiatric specialty care. Why do Teens Engage in Self-harm

Interviewer: What leads to that type of behavior?

Dr. Conover: We don't know the exact reasons why any individual might engage in self-harm. You know, for each teen, it may be different. Some of the reasons may be a distraction or relief from some other thought or emotion.

Sometimes it may be kind of the cliché or proverbial cry for help, you know, trying to express some emotion or demonstrate distress that is too difficult for the teen to articulate in words. Those are two of the most common reasons teens engage in self-harm behavior. How Do Parents Discover Their Children Are Engaging in Self-harm?

Interviewer: Have you experienced the teen talking about self-harm before engaging in it with any of your patients? You said that self-harm is a form of communication and could indicate to a parent that I want to have a conversation about something with you, I don't know how to do it, so I'm doing it this way. But could it happen in terms of words before behaviors?

Dr. Conover: It certainly can. It may often be expressed to someone other than the parent, a friend or acquaintance, somebody that the teen is communicating with over texts or social media. And that's often a way that parents discover that their teen is either thinking about or engaging in that behavior.

One warning sign and one piece of good advice for any parent of a teen is to monitor the teen's social media use and texts with some frequency because sometimes that's who they may try to talk about.

Now, if a teen is coming to a parent or other trusted adult and expressing thoughts that they may harm themself, I would say, while that's a concerning situation, it's certainly a situation where at least the teen feels trusting enough and supported enough to bring that up verbally before doing it or even after doing it. And in some sense, in that situation, the teen and their caregiver are a step ahead of where they might be if the self-harm thoughts or behavior are completely concealed. Recognizing Self-Harm

Interviewer: Is it generally pretty easy in your experience for parents to recognize if their teen is engaging in self-harm?

Dr. Conover: I don't think it is, but I think the barriers to recognizing it are complex. One of the main barriers is that no parent wants to think that their child is experiencing distress that would lead them to deliberately harm themselves or attempt suicide. And so a certain degree of conscious or unconscious denial is a huge barrier to recognition. So I think to anybody who is listening to a podcast like this, to anybody who wants to know more about teens' mental health, I think having awareness is a way to bring that barrier down. As much as a parent doesn't want to think that their child might be experiencing that distress, some awareness and a level of openness to the possibility brings that barrier down.

Supervision and support is another thing that brings that barrier down. When a parent pays attention to their teenage child, when a parent knows what they are doing, who they're hanging out with, who they're communicating with, when a parent inquires actively and openly with their teen in a way that lets the teen know that they're caring and concerned, those are also things that bring down the barrier and make it more likely that the teen might talk to the parent about such behaviors. How to Talk to Teens About Self-harm Concerns

Interviewer: I would imagine if somebody is listening to our conversation right now and they found it via an internet search, they probably should trust their instincts. Would you say that's a safe thing to say?

Dr. Conover: If the parent has suspicion or concern, they should not dismiss that. The most direct first step is to initiate a conversation. Initiating a conversation about self-harm needn't be accusatory. It shouldn't be because that's a sure-fire way to have a teen shut down in conversation for a parent to approach them and say, "Are you cutting yourself? You should never do that," implies a judgment or seems like you're interrogating.

A better opening line might move from the general to the specific: "You know, some teens might even think about hurting themselves or even hurting themselves on purpose when they're feeling upset or distressed. Have you ever thought of doing something like that?" You know you can hear the difference when you're saying, "Hey, this is not something that you alone might have thought of or done. This is not something that I'm expressing any judgment about. I'm just saying it's something that people might do, And I'm wondering if that's something you've ever thought about."

Asking about thoughts is a little bit of a softer entry too. Because the teen doesn't necessarily have to confess, "Oh, yeah, I did cut myself once." Maybe they're not ready to say that, but they might be ready to say, "Well, yeah, you know, I've known some people who have done that, or I've heard that people do that, or I've even thought about it myself." And then the conversation can proceed from there. It doesn't have to be accusatory or judgmental, and it shouldn't be, but is it going to be a difficult and crucial conversation? Absolutely. There's no way to make that kind of an inquiry easy.

Interviewer: You bring that up with your teen, you ask them if they've ever thought about it, but there are obvious signs that something, you know, is going on. Is that the point that you say, "Well, I couldn't help but notice that on your arm there are scratches or on your legs, there's bruises?"

Dr. Conover: Yeah. Being gentle in inquiry is important, but we don't have to take it to the point of absurdity, right. You know, if what the parent is concerned about is something concrete like, "I found a text where you said to your friend that you were thinking of hurting yourself, or when we were at the beach last Saturday, and you were wearing your shorts, I noticed that you had some cuts on your leg." I think that it's fair for a parent to start with the concrete thing that the parent observed. That's reasonable. Again, not being accusatory or judgmental, right? Not, "What on earth are those that I saw on your leg during our trip to the beach?"

Interviewer: Yeah. "What are you doing to yourself?"

Dr. Conover: "Who does something like that?" Exactly, right? But just saying, "I noticed this, or I found this, or when I was looking at your texts from last week, I saw something that concerned me." I think that mustering some calm and then inquiring with the child is perfectly appropriate. And I think that does point to signs that a parent may look for. You know, it is my experience that most often it isn't the case that the teen will come to a parent and simply say, "I'm thinking about this, or I'm engaged in this behavior." It would be nice if they did. It's a good sign about the parent and child's communication if a child can openly state that.

However, I often see parents discovering signs that this might be happening. Signs that one might look for include finding items that someone might use to harm themselves in a place where you wouldn't expect to find that thing, like a kitchen knife in a bedroom, or old-fashioned razor blades, you know, that you might use to peel paint or do things like that hidden somewhere in a child's room, pieces of glass or metal. Certainly, if any of those items look like they've been used because they have, you know, blood or something that looks like that on them.

So finding items that a youth might use to harm themselves, that's one very common sign that parents might first come upon. A very common way is through monitoring social media or texts. I think it's very important to note that monitoring social media and texts should be given and what I advise parents to do before they let kids use those technologies is to set down a very clear contract and expectation that they will be monitoring their activity because that's necessary and it also avoids the conflict that would arise if a parent was monitoring those things without having set that expectation. When Should a Parent Seek the Help of a Professional About Self-harm Concerns

Interviewer: When a parent recognizes these signs, and they have addressed them with their teen, and they've started out the way that you've recommended, being very non-accusatory, talking about the physical things that you're seeing as opposed to passing judgment and you get that conversation going, you had mentioned that sometimes self-harm is a way of communicating that there's something else going on. I love keeping that in mind. I think as you're having this conversation is ultimately the point then to get to what the actual problem is that's causing the symptom of self-harm or is that the time you would want to involve a professional, or where would you go from that point?

Dr. Conover: An older view in mental health was that deliberate self-harm or suicidal thoughts or acts were always secondary to some other problem or a symptom of another disorder, and that you would need to treat the disorder in order to treat the self-harm behavior or the suicidality. To an extent, that is true, but a more current and up-to-date view is that while self-harm and suicidal acts can be associated with another problem like depression, or trauma, or abuse being two of the most common, they do constitute a problem in and of themselves. I don't think that a parent is best served to then become the behavioral health provider or a detective, right? You know, to say, "I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I'm going to get to the bottom of this and find out what's ailing you and what's causing this problem you're having." That's not something a parent wants to pursue on their own.

I think the first step of asking your child, "Hey, what's going on? I noticed this, or I noticed that. I'm concerned about you." That is definitely the parent's job. The parent's next job is then to help their teen by seeking some additional help and support. Self-harm thoughts, self-harm behavior, those are always a concern and virtually always merit some further support, whether that be through seeking some crisis services, or counseling, seeking some outpatient therapy, getting some additional support from a medical provider like a primary care doctor or other practitioner who maybe already knows the family and the child as a first step are what I would advise if that first conversation happens, really, no matter how that conversation goes, because a parent can do the right thing and ask the question, but the teen may still respond with denial. And I don't think that I would be giving good advice if I said, "Okay, ask these questions and ask them in a non-judgmental way." And you think they might be hurting themselves and you ask, and they say, "No, mom, I'm not doing that." You can't really close the book on the conversation with just that negative reply if you've seen signs or have a strong suspicion.

Interviewer: So the purpose of this conversation is to really have a mutual acknowledgment that this thing is happening. That's the place that a parent wants to get to with their child, expressing concern them so then that they can have a conversation about what we're going to do about it, which is ultimately going to lead to going to a professional to assist at that point.

Dr. Conover: That would be the way that I would advise that things would go. Not all teens who deliberately harm themselves make suicide attempts, but there is a strong correlation between the two. So engaging in self-harm without an intent to die is a strong risk factor and has a strong correlation with eventually making a suicide attempt. And so taking it very seriously when there are signs of such behavior or when there is an admission or confirmation of such behavior is really important because ultimately, you know, we're not concerned about the long-term health implications of having a few cuts or scars on your arm or your leg. What we're concerned about is bigger issues of health and wellbeing and ultimately safety and preventing any very serious injury or death. Resources for Parents Concerned about Self-Harm

Interviewer: Do you have resources that could go beyond this conversation that could help a parent that finds themselves in the situation where they have to have this conversation?

Dr. Conover: Resources that a parent might reach out to would include primary care providers. I think that primary care providers are a great first resource for families for a number of reasons. Primary care providers such as a pediatrician or a family practitioner generally have an ongoing relationship with the teen and the family. And so any discussion or decisions that are made will have a lot of context, and that there's a higher likelihood that the teen and family will feel trusting and agreeable to any advice or interventions that a primary care provider can give. Also, unfortunately, we don't have enough mental health providers as far as specialty mental health providers like psychiatric providers and therapists, and so it may be easier and more accessible to start with primary care. At any point where self-harm thoughts or behavior, including suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts are a concern, a parent can always access the crisis services that are available.

Here locally in Salt Lake City and in the entire state of Utah, the Utah crisis line is one such resource and the Huntsman Mental Health Institute crisis line, which are actually staffed by the same, very skilled, highly-trained crisis-intervening staff.

A parent might question, "Oh, is this big enough of a problem for me to call the crisis line?" As a practitioner, I would always give the advice, don't second guess yourself on whether you think this is a crisis. You are not going to call the Utah crisis line with a question about your child's self-harm or potential suicidal behavior and be told, "Hey, this isn't a problem. Why did you call us?"

updated: March 1, 2022
originally published: July 9, 2021

So your daughter just had her first period. What's normal, what's not, and what to expect now.

A girl's first period marks her entry into womanhood. It's called menarche. And many parents, especially moms, seem to have a lot of anxiety and questions about it. Many moms readily admit to me that they have forgotten what periods were like when they started. So if something doesn't seem right, they get incredibly nervous that something is wrong with their daughter. Some worry that their daughter has started too early or too late. Actually, any time between ages 9 and 15 is normal.

Some worry that their daughter doesn't have a period every month like clockwork and that they need their hormone levels checked or some sort of treatment to make their periods regular. Well, it is hormones to blame for this. However, it's because hormones are still settling themselves out. It can take two to three years before periods become regular. If there is a family history of irregular periods, they might never be regular. And that's okay too. Parents really worry if their daughter's periods are not regular. But unless their daughter is sexually active or they go months between periods after having them for about a year, there really isn't anything to worry about. Irregular periods by definition happen either less than three weeks apart or more than five weeks between periods. Otherwise, they're normal.

Moms also get concerned about cramps. Sorry, but cramps are part of periods. Your daughter should not miss school or stop being physically active because of cramps. Being physically active has been shown to decrease cramps. I have parents wanting me to write letters so that every month their daughter can miss school during her period. Periods normally last 3 to 10 days. So that's a lot of school missed. I try not to do these letters and instead discuss ways to help their cramps. Over-the-counter naproxen really helps and so does a heating pad.

Some girls will even have nausea or vomiting with their periods due to hormone fluctuations. Treating them supportively with anti-nausea medicines can help.

Moms also get concerned about their daughter's becoming anemic. This does not happen usually. Girls normally lose between 30 to 40 milliliters per period. This is six to eight teaspoons of blood. So while it looks like a lot of blood during a period, it's not as much as it seems. If your daughter has something called menorrhagia, that is excessive blood loss and that is 80 milliliters or more of blood loss per period. And these girls normally pass blood clots that are larger than a quarter. These girls will usually soak through a pad or tampon every hour for several hours during the heaviest portions of their periods. They may also need double maxi pads for protection. If this is the case, then you should talk to your daughter's pediatrician about ways to help.

I often get asked by moms if their daughters could have endometriosis or fibroids or other gynecological issues. As a pediatrician, I can do basic period management and gynecology. I can do oral or injectable birth control to help with periods. But often the best thing for me to do is to refer my patient to a gynecologist if it's more than I can address. They are much better at diagnosing and managing female concerns.

Finally, moms also ask me if their daughters need Pap smears now that they have started their periods. No. That used to be the case, and it's pretty traumatic for a young girl. The current guidelines are if a girl is 21 or has been sexually active for three years, then they get a Pap smear, and that would be done by a gynecologist, not a pediatrician.

Bottom line, most period concerns are actually part of normal development. Your pediatrician can let you know when something is not normal and refer you to a gynecologist who sees teenagers for additional help when needed.

Interviewer: You've noticed a change in your teenager's mood. They're angry, moody, defiant, irritable, and in addition, their school performance or maybe interest in other activity is significantly decreased. You're worried about depression. Is it okay to talk to them about it, or could it cause more harm than good?

Dr. Thomas Conover is a psychologist at University of Utah Health, and what is your advice for parents about how to talk to their teens about these tough topics? Or should they even talk to them about them?

Dr. Conover: Communication is a real key. It certainly is protective and helpful for parents to communicate and inquire with their teen as to what's going on and how they're feeling. And that's something that I think most parents strive for but may struggle with. How do I talk to my teen? What do I talk to my teen about? Is it okay to ask? I would advance to say that it's always okay to ask your child about how they're doing. You seem really sad lately. Is there something bothering you? Is there any way I can help?

Interviewer: No. I mean you probably have to dig a little bit sometimes, huh?

Dr. Conover: You may. I think that there's value in setting an example and leaving the door open by saying those two things. In terms of setting an example, certainly communicating openly oneself is important. Right? So I've talked about various areas of function that a parent might look at for a teen child and use to try to evaluate how serious a problem that they're suspecting maybe. But a parent can show that those things are important themself. Right? A parent can demonstrate that being engage with social activity and self-care and physical activity, you know, which boosts mood, all of those things are important. So a parent may set the stage in their own family by doing those things.

It's always okay to ask your child about how you're they're doing. And even though a lot of times teens may seem outwardly like they don't want someone to ask, I think most of the time people who are struggling even in a small way do want someone to ask. I think it's helpful not to badger. I think if you're met with that initial no on a first inquiry, it's good for a parent to perhaps say, "Well, okay. You know, I hear that you're saying that there's nothing about it that you want to talk about. But just know that I'd be happy to talk to you if you do . . . if you change your mind about that, if you do want to talk about."

I think that's a tough one. It's a tough balance to strike, because I think if a parent is a concerned at all about their child and they try to make that initial ask, first off that's a hard thing to do. You know, you might be thinking about it all day or all week and then, finally on Friday you say, "Oh, we're sitting at dinner and my kid's actually home with me. I'm going to ask." And then, the first thing that they snap back with this, "No. Everything's fine." And the parent might feel kind of rejected by that and, you know, they might respond by shutting down. Right? Going like, "Oh, well, okay. I guess I shouldn't have asked."

I wouldn't advocate for that black and white of a response, nor would I advocate for a parent then saying, "Well, no, I know something must be wrong. I've been watching you all this time, and you just aren't acting yourself. You need to talk to me right now." You know, in most cases, that's not going to be the best approach either. It's, I think, always appropriate to ask and it's always appropriate to maybe give a little space and a little time for the teen to be able to absorb the question and respond. Now, that would be with the exception of a true emergency, and those emergencies do include threats or acts of self-harm or threats or acts of a suicidal nature or serious aggression.

Dr. Gellner: When are school age kids able to stay home by themselves? I'll talk about preteens at home on today's Scope. I'm Dr. Cindy Gellner.

Announcer: Keep your kids healthy and happy. You are now entering "The Healthy Kids Zone" with Dr. Cindy Gellner on The Scope.

Dr. Gellner: Back to school time doesn't just mean parents going out and buying new backpacks and pencils, but also time to think about where kids will be before and after school hours. The American Academy of Pediatrics released a statement in August recommending that elementary and middle aged school children still require adult supervision during those times.

As a parent, I get it, that's hard to do sometimes, especially as kids get older and the options for after school get less. For many kids, once they get to be double digits, especially if they start middle school around 11, parents think that they can stay home by themselves. And in some cases, that's okay depending on that child's maturity level, how safe the neighborhood is, are there adults around that the child could reach out to in case of an emergency, is there a way for a child to touch base with the parent to let them know they're home?

Some parents have the luxury of having another family member or a friend take care of their child. In these cases, parents need to stress that these caregivers need to follow the parent's rules about schedules, discipline, and homework. Kids are sneaky and they will try to get away with breaking those rules if they're being watched by somebody other than mom and dad.

If your child goes to an after-school program, make sure that the program has a good number of staff to take care of the children in the program and also make sure that they have a place your child can do their homework. Staff also need to meet state certification regulations for dealing with health issues, emergencies, and the facility itself needs to be inspected and approved as safe.

When it comes to homework, be sure that your child knows homework always comes first. Stress good study habits and make sure they have enough time available to do it, especially if they are involved in extracurricular activities. They should have a quiet place to do their homework as well, free of distractions like the TV and other electronic devices.

The bottom line is everyone needs to be on the same page, your child who needs to understand the importance of getting school work done and playtime comes later if they are home by themselves, after-school providers who need to be supportive of what each child needs and honor the request of the parents, and you as the parent, who needs to be able to set down these firm guidelines and make sure they are followed to ensure that your growing preteen or teen and those who are in charge of them, when you can't be, understand those expectations.

Announcer: Have a question about a medical procedure? Want to learn more about a health condition? With over 2,000 interviews with our physicians and specialists, there's a pretty good chance you'll find what you want to know. Check it out at thescoperadio.com.

Dr. Gellner: Parents know they want a good doctor for their child, but how should they go about actually choosing a pediatrician? I'll give you some pointers on how to find the best kid doc for your child on today's Scope.

Announcer: Keep your kids healthy and happy. You are now entering the "Healthy Kids Zone" with Dr. Cindy Gellner on The Scope.

Dr. Gellner: As a parent, we all want the best for our children, so when you go to find a new pediatrician, whether you're still expecting your first baby, have an insurance change, or move to a new city, finding someone to care for your child's health is a huge decision. Just like any other long-term relationship, you need to be comfortable with the person you are entrusting your child to. So how do you find a new pediatrician?

First, talk to your friends who have kids. I know a lot of my patients come to me and the parents say, "Oh, you see my neighbor's child," or, "You see my nieces and nephews," and they all said, "I just had to bring my kids to you."

If you are just changing insurances, ask your current pediatrician who they would recommend. Often we know the other docs in the area and who would be a good fit for your family.

Another good tip is to check out the American Academy of Pediatrics' website and use the "Find a Pediatrician" tool. It will help you find a board-certified pediatrician in your area, and then you can search that provider on various patient satisfaction websites to see what others think of that pediatrician.

Many practices actually have their own websites that answer a lot of questions for you. Often, you can look at each pediatrician's profile to see when and where they did their medical school and residency training, do they have any specific areas or interests, what are the clinic's office hours, and who takes care of any concerns when the pediatrician isn't in the office. And don't forget about looking to see what insurances the practice accepts.

Some parents choose to do a meet-and-greet appointment with a prospective pediatrician. You'd have to call to see if the provider does those types of visits and if a co-pay is required. You can then check out the office to see if the staff is comfortable with kids, is the facility kid-friendly, and does the pediatrician seem down-to-earth, easy to talk to, knowledgeable, and like they really enjoy working with the little ones.

Can your child be seen the same day for sick visits? Who covers for the pediatrician after hours? Does the pediatrician go to any hospitals? Usually, we know what information parents want when they come in for these types of visits, and so we can help you make sure you're not forgetting anything to ask.

Bottom line is you should feel absolutely comfortable with your pediatrician and feel like you can trust them to have your child's best interests at heart. If the fit doesn't feel right, move on until you find the best possible pediatrician for your family.

Announcer: Have a question about a medical procedure? Want to learn more about a health condition? With over 2,000 interviews with our physicians and specialists, there's a pretty good chance you'll find what you want to know. Check it out at thescoperadio.com.

Dr. Gellner: Bedwetting is more common than you would think. But it's often something parents and kids don't want to talk about much because it's embarrassing. I'll talk about it on today's Scope. I'm Dr. Cindy Gellner.

Announcer: Keep your kids healthy and happy. You are now entering "The Healthy Kids Zone" with Dr. Cindy Gellner on The Scope.

Dr. Gellner: We've all been there as a parent, either during the potty training phase or as the parent of a bedwetter. Waking in the middle of the night to change your child's sheets after they've wet the bed, no fun. Even though it can be normal in kids until the teenage years, it's seen as something wrong. Most kids who wet the bed think they're the only ones that do it and that makes them feel even worse. Children normally gain bladder control through the night at different ages. Most gain control by 5, but about 15% of children continue to wet the bed after that. And by age 10, 5% still don't have control.

Bedwetting affects millions of children. And more often, these are boys and there are others in the family who've had the same issue. Frustrated parents think a child is wetting the bed because they're too lazy to get up and pee in the toilet. Kids worry that there's something wrong with them if their friends or siblings tease them. They avoid sleepovers, and it really affects their social lives.

The best thing parents can do is let their child know that this isn't their fault. In fact, scientists have even identified the genes for delayed nighttime bladder control. And just FYI, they're on chromosomes 8, 12, and 13. That's why we see this run in families so much. And if a parent had this problem, letting their child know this, and when they finally stay dry, really helps their child understand what's going on with their own body, and that it's not their fault.

Genetics isn't the only factor. Sometimes bedwetting is based on how a child's brain and bladder talk to each other when they're asleep. Sometimes it takes longer for the two to learn how to communicate with each other. Sometimes it's because kids are really deep sleepers and the message from the bladder saying it's full doesn't get to the brain in time.

Some kids have constipation problems, and the stool literally pushes on the bladder causing uncontrolled bladder contractions, which released urine. In rare cases, bedwetting can be a sign of infection, sleep apnea, or diabetes. Regardless of the reason, the vast majority of kids who bed wet are medically healthy.

Some kids who have gained nighttime bladder control will relapse if there's a new stressor like moving, parents divorcing, or a new baby in the house. But usually kids regain control pretty quickly. Pediatricians don't get concerned about bedwetting until age six. And even then, it's only a problem if the child or parent is overly concerned.

There are ways you can help out your child, such as making them pee twice before bedtime, no drinks after dinner, biofeedback techniques, and medications if they're going over to sleepovers where wetting maybe particularly embarrassing. Eventually, bedwetters do gain control of their bladders. But if your child is over 12 and they are still wetting or this is causing a lot of stress to you or your child, be sure to talk to your child's pediatrician.

Announcer: Have a question about a medical procedure? Want to learn more about a health condition? With over 2,000 interviews with our physicians and specialists, there's a pretty good chance you'll find what you want to know. Check it out at thescoperadio.com.

Dr. Gellner: Many parents ask when is the time to worry about their child still being in diapers. I'll discuss toilet training delays on today's Scope. I'm Dr. Cindy Gellner.

Announcer: Keep your kids healthy and happy. You are now entering the Healthy Kids Zone with Dr. Cindy Gellner on The Scope.

Dr. Gellner: Potty training is one of those rites of passage that parents both fear because of how long it takes and the stress of doing it and also can't wait to do it because it means no more buying diapers. The average age for starting to potty train is anywhere between 18 months and two and a half years. And for some reason, girls usually get it sooner than boys.

As far as when a child starts having toilet-training resistance, most pediatricians agree that if they aren't showing any signs of potty training at age three, then we need to figure out why. The actual age when a child is completely trained is something up for debate. Most do agree that a child should be toilet trained during the day when they go to kindergarten. Some preschools won't even accept a child unless they're potty-trained.

Now, bedwetting is not what we're talking about here. That can happen until the teen years depending on development and genetics. I'm talking about kids who either refuse to potty train and want to wear diapers, or parents who keep putting their child in diapers when they may not need to be because it's easier.

Another thing to consider is what are the current barriers to potty training. Some kids have smaller bladders and they will have more accidents. If this is the case, trying to potty train your child before they are ready will be an effort in futility. Their bodies need to mature. And again, this usually happens before they are ready for kindergarten.

Emotional barriers may be more tricky. Significant changes in your child's life have a huge effect on their behavior in general. Has there been a death in the family, a new baby, a divorce? Stressors like this will often cause a child to revert back to a younger developmental stage when they felt more secure.

Potty training can be frustrating for you and your child, and it often leads to a power struggle, one your child will win. Don't beg or plead with your child. This only gives them more power. Reward systems work better. This sometimes is a short-lived stage, but if it persists, your pediatrician can help refer you and your child for counseling.

If your child is developmentally delayed or autistic, they may be in diapers for years to come, but if your child is otherwise developmentally on track, then they should be toilet trained by school age. If your child is older and ready to start school, then they are old enough to have a conversation about the consequences of not being out of diapers.

Being held back and not able to go to school with their friends or being teased at school for wearing diapers will often help motivate them to potty train quickly. However, if you have any doubts that your child is able to potty train successfully because of a medical reason, be sure to follow up with your child's pediatrician. We may need to refer them to a specialist for help.

Announcer: Have a question about a medical procedure, want to learn more about a health condition? With over 2,000 interviews with our physicians and specialists, there's a pretty good chance you'll find what you want to know. Check it out at thescoperadio.com.