Side Quest: Four New Thanksgiving RecipesSpice up your Thanksgiving feast for the… +10 More
|
|
How to Be Assertive About Your COVID Concerns This Holiday SeasonAs the holidays approach during the COVID-19… +8 More
November 20, 2020
Family Health and Wellness Interviewer: This Thanksgiving and Christmas, it's going to be very different than Thanksgivings and Christmases in the past. It used to be you would get together with family and friends, and now health officials are saying that perhaps you should reconsider that because of the spread of COVID-19, that you should maintain that family bubble. However, even within families there are a lot of different opinions on how dangerous the virus is and what kind of safety precautions could be taken. So having those conversations with family members about whether or not to come to Thanksgiving or get the whole family together could be very, very challenging. Dr. Benjamin Chan is a psychiatrist at University of Utah Health and in communication, communicating your thoughts and feelings is referred to as assertive communication, and it can be a very challenging thing to do. And I wanted to find out how somebody could be an assertive communicator, not aggressive, but an assertive communicator in talking about plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas. So is that what you call it? Is that what you call it, is assertive communication in your field? Dr. Chan: Yes, Scot. And again, we're all in the middle of a pandemic. This is historic, unprecedented, and incredibly challenging. And in years past, Thanksgiving dinner would be a time that we get together, see and talk to long-lost cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas, maybe some neighbors, family friends. That is not safe this year. And there's a lot of disagreement in the community about how to get together for Thanksgiving. A lot of people have different thoughts and feelings about COVID, and what social distancing is, and what masks are. And this time more than any other is the time for you to be assertive because you have to protect your own health. You have to protect your family and your loved ones. And COVID is silently transmitted. This is not the podcast that goes into it, but you can listen to many others. But there's a lot of different research and data out there that shows how pernicious and silent COVID can spread. So assertiveness means behaving and communicating in a manner that equally values your rights and opinions on par with other people's rights and opinions. And the opposite of assertiveness is passiveness. And passiveness is when you put someone else's rights and opinions above your own. So now is the time to be assertive. Interviewer: Have those assertive conversations beforehand. What does that look like? Because I mean, some people, myself included, we don't like conflict, right? So it's really difficult for us to know . . . I'm going to be talking to somebody in my family who thinks that COVID maybe isn't a big deal, that we should still get together, and it's going to be tough for me to express, "No, I disagree." How do you do that in an assertive way? Dr. Chan: You do that in an assertive way by first recognizing that the other person has a different opinion and feeling than yourself. And then you segue into statements that start with, "I feel." So, "I feel scared for my own health because when I hear that you're going to host a Thanksgiving get-together and not everyone there is going to be wearing a mask or socially distancing, I feel scared that I might get COVID." And you frame things where you recognize the other person's belief or values, and then you maintain your own beliefs and values. And people want to be heard, they want to be listened to. So my experience has been if you immediately start talking about what you believe and do not give the other person the recognition for what they believe, that's where conflict really starts escalating because the two parties don't feel like they're being listened to or heard. But if you can restate perhaps in their own words or maybe a summation of what you understand what their belief is and then give your belief, that gives an opportunity for that person to feel that you actually listened to them, an acknowledgement, and then you can present your belief. Interviewer: I tell you what, I can see the spiraling for me pretty quickly, because I think people that do believe that COVID is a serious threat to the health, when they hear somebody that does not necessarily have that same belief, we just want to go, "Well, I understand you don't think this is a big of a threat impact as I do." Would that be the restating? Is that fair enough? Is that all I need to say? I mean, it's so hard not to do that judgmentally. Dr. Chan: I agree, Scot. And it's credibly difficult. It might take practice. And I think when you, like, your example you just gave is a very quick response and people's responses tend to be much longer. So if you say, you know, "When I hear you, it sounds like you do not feel that the COVID pandemic is as serious as some of the public health officials have said or as serious as some of the hospital officials have said. I do believe those individuals, and this is why I believe them." I agree, it could start spiraling, but to me the key is to reframe it through core values. Just go back to values. So people want to feel safe. They want to feel heard. They want to feel that they're being listened to. So if the core value is health, you can talk about like, "What is your value about the health," and they'll talk about the memories and the mental health of getting together for Thanksgiving. And you can use that as a springboard of, "Okay, this is my conceptualization of health. I'm worried about COVID. I'm worried about the fevers and the respiratory problems and everything else associated with COVID." If you have a discussion about values, the vast majority of people have core similar values, and then you can just explore those basic values together. It's hard, Scot. It's incredibly difficult because people are drawing upon information from a wide variety of sources. Some of these sources might not have the same beliefs that you believe or might have different versions of facts. But you need to be assertive during this moment because if not, you will open yourself up to potentially being exposed to COVID and then a lot of hurt feelings will stem from that. Interviewer: You know, being assertive doesn't necessarily mean the other person is going to react in a positive way. And if they don't, I guess you just have to go away with, you know, "I tried my best, but I have to make this decision for myself, or for grandma, or for grandpa, or for whoever." How do you deal with that? So again, I don't like conflict. I don't like it when somebody, you know, doesn't like me anymore. How do you deal with that? Is there a closing phrase you would use? Like, "I'm sorry we couldn't come together on this, but I still love you and care about you very much." Dr. Chan: Yeah. Again, Scot, you did a great job. I think it's like you want to normalize this as best as you can during a pandemic. So this is an important holiday coming up. It's very important to a lot of people, but it's simply one day out of the year. And we have talked about previously, we're in a marathon. This is not a sprint. There's a lot of things happening in the country as we're trying to address this. So in my attempt to normalize, it's like, if everyone got together for Thanksgiving there's going to be disagreements. We've always had disagreements over the Thanksgiving table. Sometimes it's about the Dallas Cowboys and the Detroit Lions football teams. Sometimes it's about someone's political beliefs. Sometimes it's about someone not doing well at school or their job. It's normal to have conflict during Thanksgiving time. This is a time when it might be normal to have a disagreement if we should really get together, or if we get together, it needs to be socially distant and safe with masks, or maybe we don't get together this year, or maybe we do a Zoom Thanksgiving and a virtual Thanksgiving. And that's okay because the most important thing is safety and health. And we want to stay together as a family in the coming months, and there's a light at the end of the tunnel. We all feel that. We all believe that. We want that to happen. That's still very much many months away. So I try to end all these difficult conversations kind of like you gave with positivity. Let's say something nice. Let's say something that we can all agree on. I always like in these tough discussions kind of like a U shape. You start off high, you kind of go low, you go really deep, you kind of talk about feelings, emotions, values, and then you rise back up. You never want to end these discussions at the bottom of the pit. You want to rise to the top and say some nice things to each other, and agree to, you know, let's talk about something that's not as emotionally taxing, like the Dallas Cowboys or the Detroit Lions. Let's talk about something that we can agree on because these are difficult conversations. It's really hard to be assertive, but now more than ever it's really required.
How to be assertive about your health concerns with your family during COVID-19. |
|
Tasty and Healthy Thanksgiving ChoicesHoliday meals bring with them lots of butter,… +5 More
November 26, 2014
Diet and Nutrition Interviewer: Healthy alternatives to your classic Thanksgiving dinner. We're going to discuss that next on The Scope. Announcer: Medical and news research from University Utah physicians specialists you can use for a happier and healthier life. You're listening to The Scope. Interviewer: I'm with Kary Woodruff. She's a registered dietician at University of Utah health care. Kary, we'll go over the classic Thanksgiving dinner and maybe try and find some healthier alternatives for people who don't want to gain tons of weight this holiday season so let's start with the big one, turkey. Kary: Turkey can be very healthy. It can be very lean meat, a good source of B12 and iron and other nutrients. I just suggest looking for the white meat turkey and consuming less of the dark meat. Interviewer: So next big one and my favorite, gravy. Kary: You know what. Again, everything in balance and moderation so if you're having a little bit of gravy on your turkey and mashed potatoes that's okay, but are you using a cupful of gravy and that would be of concern. So gravy is going to be a little bit higher in saturated fat and so it's not that we shouldn't eat it at all we just should monitor our portion size a bit. Interviewer: Okay. Next one that a lot of people like, mashed potatoes. Kary: Sure, you know I've seen some people mash their potatoes with the skin and that would a more healthful way to eat it because you're getting the benefits of the fiber and potassium that we find in the skin. And again it's a portion size piece so some mashed potatoes are okay it's just not consuming too much of them. And then finally just what are you adding to the mashed potatoes, right? So my mom personally adds sour cream, cream cheese and butter to her mashed potatoes... Interviewer: Oh my. Kary: ...so I wouldn't highly recommend that but if you're using just a little bit of one of those options and again maybe getting some skin in there and watching your portion size it can be a very healthful part of Thanksgiving dinner. Interviewer: All right so green beans. This is the healthiest part of Thanksgiving, right? Green beans. Kary: Oh yes and it can be and it can not be right? So they could be smothered in butter and have bacon and lots of other add-ins or they could be steamed with maybe a little bit of olive oil. Sometimes I'll serve them with just a little bit of toasted walnuts or pecans. Sometimes I've added blueberries to them and that can be a way to get more vegetables. Just avoiding the heavy use of butter and other higher fat add-ons. Interviewer: Okay so a healthier alternative to stuffing. Kary: I've seen stuffing made with whole wheat bread and that would be a good start. Avoiding adding lots of meat to stuffing because my thought is if you're already going to be getting some meat with the turkey maybe not adding the sausage or other bacon or other higher fat add-ins to the stuffing. Interviewer: And then now the sweets. The sweet potato casserole. Kary: I think those marshmallows can be optional. You know I always make them half the casserole for those who just need to have the marshmallows and then half without. You usually can get away with adding half the butter that some people add and they're still very, very tasty and so again, it's what you're adding to them. Sweet potatoes are a great source of potassium. Great source of Vitamin C. Really great source of nutrients, it's just what are we adding to them and how much are we consuming? Interviewer: Right. Okay. Holiday staple. Pumpkin pie. Kary: My advice to the pumpkin pie is how many times do we come to Thanksgiving dinner and we eat dinner and maybe we even eat a little bit of seconds and we are so full but then we see the pumpkin pie and think okay well I'm just going to squeeze that in and I would say you know what? Save it. Save it for later when you're not so full. It's hard to really enjoy something when you're so full and trying to add in one more thing and so maybe you save it for the next day or you save it for a couple hours later. So have some pumpkin pie. It is a special thing to have but just watch how big of a piece are you having and maybe wait until you're not so full. Interviewer: Great suggestions. Any final thoughts with a healthier Thanksgiving? Kary: You know, I've seen some statistics where the average calorie intake on Thanksgiving, just for dinner, not for the whole day but just for the mean can be anywhere from 2000 to 3000 calories. Interviewer: Oh wow. Kary: And that's a lot. I mean to put that in perspective that's if not equal to probably more than what we need for a whole days worth of calories so some tips that I have are, A, don't save up all day. Some people won't eat all day but then the challenge is by the time they get to dinner they're so hungry they can't control how much they're eating. So even if you just eat a small breakfast and a small lunch that can help to prevent us from over eating. Interviewer: Leftovers. Kary: Yes, exactly. Announcer: TheScopeRadio.com is University of Utah Health Sciences Radio. If you like what you heard be sure to get our latest content by following us on Facebook. Just click on the Facebook icon at TheScopeRadio.com. |